Crazy

Sometimes I think I'm crazy, I'm crazy... Oh so crazy.
This is from a song apparently but.. I think it perfectly describes how I see my life right now. Like everything is running out ahead of me going to fast for me to keep up. Things are good though, sang the anthem at Rexall Place last night, aced it and had my 5 minutes of fame. Even applied for school last week. Everything I'm doing is moving myself forward, but it feels like I'm being torn in two directions. My future forward and my comfort backwards, is that even allowed?

As I look at the people around me, being the only one that didn't go right back into school I realize I've faded into the comfortable position of really only working. But having had to take 10 days off I've realized my life for the past 7 months has seriously been: get up, go to work, come home, sleep. If sleep is possible. And as you know from my last blog a lot of my time was spent at the bar too drunk to recall if anything was actually worth remembering. My memory of this time off of school, is fuzzy and faded and right up until this past week felt like kind of a waste.

But I'm overly glad I got all my partying and all that kind of stuff out of my system. I feel like now as I hopefully face this new school year I'll be able to focus and get good grades and be successful. Especially since in high school I couldnt care less, I had no motivation. So I think this is good for me and I think taking a year off was the best possible thing I could have done for myself no matter what anyone else says. Some people are just like that, doing the same thing day after day gets old, everyone needs a break. And not everyones cut out for school, I still think I'm not but I think I'm getting there cause I've finally found something I WANT to do.When I think of school I actually get excited, because it's like I get a whole new start to my life. A new chapter, just like everything's been. This year was my "real life" chapter. I got thrown into the real world and faced with paying rent,working my ass off just to get a little bit of credit, and most of all facing being an adult. I look at some of my friends that went straight into school and some of them are so incredibly immature. And although I've always been mature for my age its sometimes hard to be around them cause they can be really embarrassing. I know that's terrible to say but its the truth. It's like they just didn't grow up cause they didn't get the time too. How are you supposed to mature when you haven't been faced with challenges that make you grow up?

So all in all, this year has been a crazy ride. And a hell of a learning lesson and I'm so glad I had on with a death grip. I'm sure I'll have lots more struggles come my way but I'm convinced I'm better equipped to face them now. Because guess what?

I'm all grown up.