Measuring Up

"I'll never be what you wanted,and you'll never be what I need"

Broken hearted I keep coming up with these little phrases. I pointlessly write them in my phone, just maybe hoping they'll become something more than a reminder of how desperate I feel. This one really hits me though, its jus thte truth, laid out, pure and simple... he just isnt good for me. And no matter how many times he asked me to be a diffrent person, deep down I just knew I'd never be that girl. I couldn't live up to your expectations and demands, I just simply couldn't measure up. Measure up, what a funny term because you, you never equaled the greatness I made you out to be. I told everyone how amazing you were and how perfect you were, how much you loved me. What a massive lie. You were so fake, I cant even begin to think of the ways you hurt me because there were too many.

But of course I loved you despite every single one of those flaws. And I think that threatened you, and probably scared you because clearly you didn't feel the same way. I became old, used, boring,safe, to you. You wanted new and exciting and I wasn't that anymore.

Well that's fine, treat your new girl right okay? Because your slowly going to ruin all the good girls that are out there, and ruin them for all the good guys out there.

Yeah they exist, and you, your so not one of them.

Dear Asshole

Dear Asshole,

Look at that I even capitalized your name, I'm so nice. ha, I am really nice actually, which is why I wonder what makes you feel you needed to treat me the way you did. Your casual, non-classy, undignified attempts at being "sincere" are no longer noticed. It's funny cause all my friends seen what you did to me, and yet they are still friends with you...kind of makes me question my friendships but that's for another blog. And funnier yet is that occasionally they decide to say "Oh Crystal, he's been cheating on you forever _____ has known for awhile but she was to afraid to say so. I'm telling you so you get over him" Again, really questioning my friendships.

But regardless, I get it. Whether you were unfaithful or not you are still an asshole. And if I were to say these things to your face they wouldn't phase you. And then you go and run and whine and complain and get everyone on your side again. So therefore I blog it. But really, I know in the end I've won. Because I know about all the problems you have in your life and that I was the only person you could share them with. And mainly only me, because you suck at choosing good friends, and the others don't care. Well there's Reker but lets be honest, he has a great relationship with his girlfriend why would he get lost in your bullshit. So I know in that way that I won, cause I do have true friends. Some of them, but that's all I need.

I guess really the only nice things I can and should say (cause if I share more I will fall into that horrendous black hole again) is thanks. Thanks for showing me love. Cause for the first year that's what we really had. Thanks for teaching me how to care for someone, and feel things I never thought imaginable. Thanks for introducing me to a life where I don't constantly rely on my parents or other people. Thanks for making me stand on my two feet and stand up for myself. And lastly, thanks for leaving me multiple times when I really fucking needed you. For the times when I needed a smile, or a hug or even just a hi. Thanks for disappointing me repeatedly. Thank you for breaking my heart into X2465649867369384765967597 pieces every couple of months, good times. And you know what? Thanks for ruining every single special moment that was supposed to happen to me in high school.Thanks a fucking lot.

You are single-handedly the most selfish person I have ever known in my entire life. Everything that was ours you made into yours. Everything that was mine was yours. You took everything from me. Mentally, physically, and emotionally, you drained me. You actually expected me to wait around for you forever, your that fucking vain? get a fucking grip you ignorant prick. I;m sorry that your life sucks, but don't drag me down too.

So this is me signing off on our relationship. Signing off this shitty place that I used to call love. I'm done.Done.Done. This is me walking away for good, have a great life and I hope you find someone else to manipulate and take advantage of.

uhm hi, my names crystal

Soooo, cloud 9 right now cause I actually feel important <3

Cheers to the asshole.

So much for blogging properly...
Today I discovered a song that really explains me and the way I need to think, Always by Saliva- check it out. And so this is for that pompous asshole.

Basically it just says I'm so done with you. And in actuality I am so very done with you. Kick me down, push me, spit on me, every which way you destroyed me and who I used to be, I will be better. I've seen myself fall prey to you countless times and every time you disappoint me, so why the fuck would I still try? I wont anymore, do not text me, do not call me, leave me alone. Do not think that you can lean on me, do not think that I will forever help you through your problems, and don't you DARE think that you can use me for whatever you please. I am not your welcome mat anymore, I am not that girl that you can trample all over and expect to get back up again. Cause I am better than you, and I'm moving on to bigger and better things. You have messed with my head for the last time. "I love you, I hate you. " <- words I will forever live by thanks to you.

So, cheers to you asshole.
p.s. I drank your alcohol.

thought for the night

Todaay I realized I'm extremely happy with the people that are actually in my life. The ones that I talk to on a daily basis I mean. That may be a select few, but honestly they are the best people that have ever existed and I am so thoroughly thankful for their presence. I thank each and every one of them for being amazing and special in their own little way <3

Sing, Sang, Song

" All it took was a look, one smile and we knew it would be awhile. A while before we couldn't see through the mess, this mess we had left through all the stress. You'd hold me close and I'd trace your lips. you knew all I needed was that one sweet kiss. We'd walk hand in hand through every trouble, cause baby lets face it; this wasn't worth the fights. I loved you and you loved me, we were innocent in our sweet bliss.


I still love him, and I cant let go. But I'll never let him now. no matter what I do, I don't know why I cant get him off my mind. I need the release I need to let go.

I need an out I need an in, your my most deadly sin. Please let me go, let me be. Let me have my thoughts, my dreams. Hold onto my memories, keep them safe. Everyday my heart thinks of you, My thoughts and dreams only to come true. Take me away and let me be.


Hold me close to your chest, I always promised I'd be your best. Kiss me softer now because the feelings are long gone, we both know we'd done wrong. The sadness in your eyes told me everything, that i just wasn't worth remembering. You couldn't bare my thoughts anymore, no less I felt them burning in my core. we faded away like a long winter night, knowing we'd never again be each others light. "

I wrote this maybe a month ago, and there's really no explaining to be done, I feel it speaks for itself. I love this for some reason, its so bittersweet. If i ever get somewhere one day with this voice of mine, this will be my masterpiece.

Simply..Be

My simple realization of the day. Let it be. Those Beatles really did know what they were talking about. My little birdy always tells me go. Wwith the flow, baby steps, and honestly I think I'll get there. Maybe not anytime soon, but in my own time. When I'm good and ready, when my heart finally heals and when my wonuds finally close up. I'll be happy one day, and I hope the most important people in my life have still stuck with my to see it <3